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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I spend my days near the Crandall River – its flow eases the stress, like a natural spa. That riverbank at Riverview Park is my personal go-to spot. I sit there, watch the water blab on 'bout nothin'. The trees, man, they whisper back some kinda ancient wisdom. And oh boy, the sun does this funky play of light on the rippling river, got me thinkin’ “I must stand up like a man!” from Moolaadé – kinda poetic, huh?

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